Saturday, June 4, 2016

Watch the china....

Today was my first game of Pulp Alley at the Blind Pig Games Club with my old chum Glen T.  You'll see in the previous article the League I have chosen as my starter and the brief description that goes along with them.

The weather here in Brisbane and South East Queensland was atrocious to say the least, heavy rain, strong winds, flooding, high tides... Needless to say I offered Glen the option to bail as he has to travel a goodly distance to get to the club, but the stirling chap made a go of the bad weather and we battled our first scenario "The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo".

The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo

"Jabari, boy where did you pack the bloody china.  I can't find my tea cup and saucer anywhere?"

Jabari, or Wally Smith winced as he heard his master crack yet another set of fine bone china in his haste to get his first cup of tea after arriving at the suspected poachers site.

"Boss man, you wait, while me get cup and plate from spare pack." Jabari sighed, this was going to be one of those long days.  The Lord Wishart was hard to deal with until he had his first cuppa, now he just had to find where he put the tea leaves.

Sir Garfield Talbot also sighed, lost in thought as he watched his old school chum fussing over the teapot and pouring out his first cup.  His thought was interrupted though by a number of shots as Niles and Barrington started shooting at the local wildlife, which meant that the porters they hard hired had bolted for the river boat they had arrived on.  This was going to be a long walk home.  Damn their enthusiasm for shooting, just as well vegetation wasn't on the endangered species list or the ladies of the London Society of Preservation of Dumb Animals would be after them for sure.  These mad ladies idea of preservation was preservative, as in taxidemi, gad the world was going to the French, honestly he thought.

At that very moment though in a ruined temple not far away, but clearly far enough away that the rampant gunfire could not be heard; a gang of ruthless Belgian circus entertainers had captured the The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo and were preparing to ship the creature to Europe.

Also at this moment, but perhaps not at quite the same moment as was just mentioned Wobi the Pygmy Witchdoctor and his tribe of rival circus entertainers were also contemplating an idea.  What that idea is, well we (or I the writer) have no idea, I do not understand Pygmy, so you'll just have to be as mystified as the rest of the world as to their reason for being here at this very moment, but not quite that very moment... ok maybe I might stop this before I become lost... in the moment.

The Belgian Circus entertainers and hired help preparing to load The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo into a very dodgy looking and very unsafe truck.

The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo being viewed by Lord Ackerley Wishart for the first time.  
Lord Ackerley had a dashed deuce of a time handling his tea cup over the perilous terrain, almost dropping it as he stumbled upon catching sight of The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo.
Much to the amazement of the British explorers they found that the bloody natives had animals as followers, dashed unsporting shouted Barrington as he hared off after one hyena that nabbed a plot point.  Damned animal wouldn't stay still long enough for a decent shot with his .416 Rigby.
Niles Starling spotted the Wobi the Pygmy Witchdoctor near the truck and moved off to have a crack at the beggar.  Sadly his education at Oxford did not include dealing with little buggers that throw bones at you with magic, as such he was hit on the bonce and collapsed to the ground.
Eberhard made his way to the supplies cache hoping that the latest issues of Colonial Ladies Lingerie would be found within.  It was rather lonely on the svelte.
Jabari dashed after Lord Ackerley carrying as assortment of liquor and keeping his hat firmly in place.

Barrington Mallory has his blood up with the dashed beast having avoided his first shot, he was damned if it was going to avoid his second.  Well it did, and seeing it was a hyena, it was heard to be laughing a bit afterwards.
Good old Niles Starling, succumbed to his bruised bonce, or it might have been the sudden appearance of startled and now agitated serpents who promptly bit him that brought him low, rather than the mumbo jumbo of the Pygmy Witchdoctor Wobi.
Barrington Mallory his blood up pursued the bloody hyena, but for all his expertise failed to nail the bitch (yes it was determined by visual confirmation that it was of the female persuasion).
Eberhard Pike partially opened the cache and caught a quick glimpse of fishnet stockings before the lid slammed down hard on his stiff... fingers.
Lord Ackerley continued to be fascinated by The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo and spent his time just watching the caged creature.
Sir Garfield, ever the man of action dashed into action and secured the keys for the cage (the major plot point).  Now he just has to defend the location until relief force, arranged in advance, arrived (only another 4 turns!).
Jabari continued to pass out drinks while keeping a firm hold on his hat, which was starting to move about a bit.

"Good doggy, dash it all man, that's not a bloody dog!  Jabari, where's my drink," shouted Lord Ackerley as one of the hyena launched an unprovoked attacked at his leg, almost spilling his cup of tea.  This hyena then spent a number of turns humping Lord Ackerley leg, much to Jabari's amusement, but certainly not his masters.
Eberhard Pike is startled by the appearance of a native follower of Wobi and a short bout of fisticuffs occurs, in which Eberhard pikes out.  But is still in play.
Barrington Mallory heads towards the cache of saucy magazines.  Takes a pot shot at a native and nails the beggar.  Pip pip tally ho and all that.
Sir Garfield defends the cage with some damned fine card work, much to the chagrin of Wobi.
Lord Ackerley continues to be fascinated by The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo, all the while fending off the amorous humping of the randy hyena.
Jabari continues to look as inoffensive as possible while keeping his constantly moving hat under control.

Sir Garfield spots Pygmy Witchdoctor Wobi's lefthand man Thursday, finds out much to his dismay that the cads a touch damned too good for his own good.  Best get out of his way and hid behind some solid objects.  The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo, is a dashed good object to hide behind!
Poor Eberhard Pike succumbs to the heat, having seen too little of the scantily clad lady magazines and these insufferably damned tight collars.
Barrington Mallory makes it to the crate and cracks the lid off, grabbing the prize.  National Geopgraphic magazines...  Africa special edition.  No wonder the natives were fighting for the porn!
Lord Ackerley continued drinking his cup of tea, avoiding the occasional lunge from The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo, and the still randy attention of the hyena.  Damned this was good tea.  For a moment there he though a native tried to shoot him, wait, no, it was his imagination.
Sir Garfield continued to frustrate Thursday with tricky card play.  We still owned the major plot!
Jabari was really worried now about his hat, and the fact the natives were looking really angry.

Brave Barrington Mallory just prior to being visited by Pygmy Witchdoctor Wobi.  Damned these natives and their desire for the African edition of National Geographic.
Barrington Mallory leaps away from Wobi the Witchdoctor, allowing him a brief respite.  Damn the .416 Rigby being a single shot.
Jabari rushed to his masters aid hoping to block Thursday from doing any harm to either Lord Ackerley or Sir Garfield.  However his plan did not go quite as planned, his swarm of killer Peruvian Moths failed to kill his opponent, but it did allow him to escape past Thursday, only to be brought down with a vicious rifle butt blow to the back of the head moments later.
Lord Ackerley continued his tea drinking wondering what all the fuss was about and why no one was interested in engaging him in Latin and Greek vocab? The hyena did a bolt though which was a relief, his leg was getting a bit damp and sticky, Jabari was going to have his work cut out cleaning the mess from of his trousers.
Sir Garfield continued to guard his position and the key.  He took a pot shot at the hyena that had stopped humping his chums leg, putting it down cleaning, five paces from Batty's prone body.  He could just hear the relief troops not half a mile away and closing, just a little more time, just a little.

The last turn.  Lord Ackerley and Sir Garfield, sole standing survivors and guardians of The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo
Barrington Mallory was in a bad way, down and almost out, he lost his round of fisticuffs with a Pygmy.  Gosh the lads at the Club won't let him live this one down, I'm sure he'll forget the write about this little misadventure in his memoirs.
Lord Ackerley provided cover for Sir Garfield in case some damned native decided to try anything funny, they're like that you know.
Sir Garfield continued to defend his objective and sighed a huge sigh of relief when the 5th Khazi Rangers galloped into the camp, chasing off the ruffians threatening the cream of British society.

So it was a fun game.  Did we get everything right?  Probably not.  Did we enjoy ourselves?  Yes, spot on, well I'm damn sure I did.  I hammed up the whole British old boy on hols in darkest Africa with a lot of parody and heaps of political in-correctness.  If you've been offended, tough biscuit old bean, it's a game.

Next case will be A Road Well Travelled, where The Mysterious God of the White Apes of the Inner Lost Congo is to be transported to the river docks for it's journey to London and a fate of unknown demise!

Thanks to Glen T for a great day.  Next time I'll try and take better notes, my memory might have been a bit off on the turn event timings but I think everything is as it is in the end.


  1. Great looking table, John. Sounds like you had lots of fun too.

  2. That is what gaming is and should all be about, fun.